Teens and TV: Should our teenager have his or her own TV?

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Questions & Answers

By Dave Veerman

"Should we allow our 14-year-old to have a TV in his room? We've been thinking that this would solve the conflicts we often have regarding what shows to watch. What do you think?"

No. (How's that for a quick answer?) Here's why.

First, most families watch too much TV already. Instead of interacting, talking, and having fun and adventure together, they sit and watch others interacting, talking, and having fun and adventure. One more television, especially one that isolates your 14-year-old from the rest of the family will only make the situation worse.

Second, the "in his room" part of the deal can be a problem. Besides the isolation (mentioned above), the TV set can be a powerful distraction to doing homework. Instead, work out a deal in which your son can watch certain TV programs after finishing his schoolwork, chores, or whatever else he needs to do.

Third, most kids consider everything in their rooms to be "theirs," as in "It's my TV!" That's OK, except when followed by the implicit or explicit philosophy, "So I can watch whatever I want," leading to a different argument. Having more than one television is fine (and may help resolve the issue of what shows to watch), but all the sets should be seen as belonging to the family, under the supervision of Mom and Dad.

You raise an important issue—how to resolve the conflict regarding what shows to watch. Certainly you should have guidelines that relate to television viewing by all members of the family. But (I know this is a stretch, but bear with me) occasionally more than one high quality and desirable program may be broadcast at the same time (for example, ESPN for Dad, HGTV for Mom, and a sit-com for junior). So even in the case of multiple sets, conflicts may occur. This is where you, as the mature adult, get to model compromise. That is, don't always insist on watching your program—give others the opportunity to watch their favorites, too.

Some families limit TV watching to a set number of hours a week per family member. In other words, each person is allowed to choose a determined number of programs. But each person must limit the amount of time that he or she spends in front of the tube to a set amount of hours per week (no carry over). The numbers for both categories don't have to be the same for every family member (just as bedtimes and so forth vary depending on age and other factors), but every family member, including parents, should submit to the system. This will lead to healthy discussion and decision-making and, perhaps even, to conversation and alternative family entertainment.